Roger Watson

I have referred before to how the issue of hugging, almost like no other, is the one that has pushed some of the COVID orthodox over the edge. And now that we have permission to hug—as if we ever needed it or heeded the government’s advice on this one—we now have instructions on how to do it. At first, I thought that this was a joke and ignored it but—as yet another indicator of how collectively insane we have become, and how we are in the grip of a maniacal government—we do indeed have advice from a member of SAGE on how to hug safely. I just pinched myself to make sure and…no, I did not waken up. We really are in the midst of a dystopian nightmare. 

And who is this helpful soul who considers it their duty to interfere in how their fellow human beings make physical contact? It is an academic from the University of Leeds, a civil engineer—or should that be ‘uncivil’?—Professor Catherine Noakes. I am sure that Professor Noakes is a fine engineer, an inspiring teacher and a leading-edge researcher. But what qualifies her in the first place to comment on hugging? Should she not be paying more attention to things like making sure that our buildings do not collapse or ensuring our sewage flows freely to the North Sea? In the second place, even if her specialist subject is engineering related to hugging (if such a thing exists), what on earth prompted her to enter the fray? 

Bear with me as I quote in full, from the report on BBC news of last week under the headline ‘Coronavirus: Expert urges caution over hugs as lockdown eases’:

Prof Noakes, a member of the Sage committee that advises the government, said the risks of grandparents who are fully vaccinated hugging their grandchildren are likely to be low in most cases.

Speaking in a personal capacity, she said it would worry her “if we were advocating we could hug all of our friends every time we meet them again” as it would “perpetuate an awful lot of additional close contact that could spread the virus”.

“The reality is that when you hug someone you are very close to them and we know the virus is in people’s breath and you are very close to that breath at that moment.”

Prof Cath Noakes said hugs should be selective, short, and avoid face-to-face contact.

Cabinet Office minister Michael Gove said No 10 wants to see “friendly contact” between people restored.

Yes, she really said: ‘hugs should be selective, short, and avoid face-to-face contact’. Apparently, ‘it would worry her “if we were advocating we could hug all of our friends every time we meet them again” as it would “perpetuate an awful lot of additional close contact that could spread the virus”.’ This is just another example of the of Orwellian ‘doublespeak’ so prominent during the pandemic and to which our politicians and their advisers seem addicted: ‘You may now hug/but don’t really hug’. I am fully expecting there to be a pronouncement from one or other of the scientific oddities and misfits that constitute SAGE along the lines of: ‘you may now have sex/but please don’t enjoy it’. If you think that this is a joke then look back to last year and the recommendation from some in the medical profession that face masks should be worn during sex. And only last week, the Ministry of Truth (aka the BBC), which never knowingly misses an opportunity to reinforce the nanny state, issued an article titled ‘Sex and COVID: what are the rules?’ Contained therein is this gem: ‘Masturbation, sex toys or having phone or online sex are recommended as the safest options.’ Well, that solves the mystery of what our politicians, SAGE and the BBC have been doing for the past year.